So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize