Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
