I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
