It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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