I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
