and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
