I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
