I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
