i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
