Who did Billy Mays play for?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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