Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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