Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
