i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
