The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize