turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
