you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
