you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
