Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
