I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
