drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
