Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
