Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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