Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
