The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
