My first STD was from a foam party
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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