they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
