did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
