I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
bring money and cleavage
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
