1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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