He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
