Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
