The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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