Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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