anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
