Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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