we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
