You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
