Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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