youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
