why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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