just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
