before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
