He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
