I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
