Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize