Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize