Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
