I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize