Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize