Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
