Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
