If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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