I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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