Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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