I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
