if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Will exercising make me less horny?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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