I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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