Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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