Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
