never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
