Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
