I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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