I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
