The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
