I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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