It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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