We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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