i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
