You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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