Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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