I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
