I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
