I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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