Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
