Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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