Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
