3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize