I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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