He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
