I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
