i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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