if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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